CHRIS FLOWER

THINGS SEEMS TO REALLY BE COMING TOGETHER

I’ve been hearing rumors of what my hourly pay rate will be starting the 21st of this month. If true, this is wonderful news and may be just what I need to get out from under the hole I’ve been stuck in for so very long. I’ve been working my ass off to make it to this point and I’m somewhat in disbelief. This is great! I’m so happy to hear I’m becoming a part of something I never dreamed I’d realistically be doing. I’ve always been obsessed with technology. I started off in college as an Information Technology student because I was such a geek, nerd, dork, whatever you feel like calling it. By my senior year in college I decided to take two digital photography classes to learn as much as possible about using my Sony camera. I wanted to do it properly and by the end of that semester I knew my manual settings correctly and was ready to continue on.

Videography was a second love of mine right alongside photography.  I purchased myself a Sony VX1000 video camera off eBay back in 2006 to make skate and BMX videos with my friends and learn all about that as well. I learned the basics of filming, capturing, editing, and DVD authoring as a result of my interest and I just enjoyed doing it for fun. I never put any thought into doing this for television or for doing it as a way to make a living.  This may mainly be due to the fact that my camera crapped out on me within about a year of having it and Sony being unable to repair it (liars). This is what created my videography background for me. I never forgot the process and now I’m continuing right where i left off with that. In just the passed few weeks I’ve learned how to do linear editing with a switchboard in a studio setting and as I’ve grown up I’ve learned how to explain the process to non-technical people and do it in a way so they fully understand what I’m talking about. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out, but I’ve learned not to fear putting myself out there for criticism and ridicule. Those are two things I’ve come to accept that can’t be avoided. I still get irritated by it, but I’m so used to people not having faith in me that it now just makes me laugh because I truly do know what I am talking about when it comes to my background. I can’t wait to get involved in more projects and I really want to see my work come to life and be circulated on television. The filming and post editing of our first pilot all came together wonderfully! It has all come together so fast and I can’t wait to keep creating more shows. As of right now, I’d be 100% interested in doing this as a career and if this is really my start then I’m truly ready. 

I LOST A FUCKTON OF WEIGHT SO I COULD FIT IN THESE 510’s AS OPPOSED TO THESE 511’s JUST TO BE CALLED A FAGGOT TWICE AS OFTEN IN PUBLIC.

It’s fucking mind blowing to think some girl i used to know went through all my personal items. love letters, high school notes, my old homework, patches, pictures, cards. How fucking dare you. Really, now. How can you live with yourself? Actually we should take a step back from that question. Someone with no respect for themselves who has tried to end their lives over such petty shit could be a perfect candidate. You aren’t trying to live. You’re trying to keep your feelings buried under a haze of opiate induced “cleansing” that doesn’t do shit for you anymore. Twisted bitch. I really can’t picture any other junkie other than YOU reading that shit. No one else would have an interest in me that profound. You give yourselves away so easily. Unbelievable isn’t even the word. 

I KNOW THIS IS LAME, BUT…

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I SAY THIS OVER AND OVER AS I BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE AND EXHALE THROUGH MY MOUTH. IF THERE IS SOME MAGICAL FORCE OUT THERE BEYOND THE PHYSICAL COSMOS:  TODAY I WILL NEED YOU MOST.

let’s lose some followers.

i cannot fucking wait to use you like a tissue again.  separate you from your “boyfriend” and pick up right where things were left.  breaking the toilet seat off once was enough, so let’s try something new. why don’t we fuck around while the cops are conducting an investigation only a few hundred feet away? shit, we did that as well.. alright, alright we can still make this interesting. we can still figure out some other type of thrill fuck we’ve never done before. what, though? how are we going to fulfill our addiction to adrenaline? that’s what it really is. not so much about the act, but way more about the idea. how the fuck can we possibly top 2011?

i know you’ll never read this. you’ll never even think i think this way. not chris. he isn’t like that.